Leuk has a way of forcing negative questions out of us. He doesn’t really care what our answer is, he just wants to put Worry, Fear, and Anger into our lives.
So, I thought I’d write a few posts about the questions and worries we all have. Here’s the first one:
I’m not really afraid. At least not right now. I’m more worried than afraid.
I’m only into my third year with Leuk – a fairly early stage for CLL. But my white blood cells are flirting, pulling each other’s house keys out of a jar, and reproducing like crazy with everyone in sight! I’m sure I’ll be facing Fear many times as things progress.
But, by learning to fight Fear now, I may be more practiced and able to keep her from overwhelming me when things get tougher.
Like I said in an earlier post, I’m more worried right now about getting out of debt. But I know, when that’s taken care of, Leuk will send his friend Fear to me again.
For now, I’ve managed to supress her with distractions. Each day is full of surprises – some good, some not so good. But when those surprises have nothing to do with Leukemia, then Leuk has no hold on my thoughts.
Fear is natural. It’s built into us. When it first comes you have little control over it. Don’t deny it. Accept it, feel it through, then put it away.
Fear soon changes from a reaction to a choice. Watch for it; it’s her weakest moment. She and Leuk work hard at destroying our friend Hope.
Hope will always be on our side. If we hold on to her tight, she will never fail us.