Leuk has a way of forcing negative questions out of us. He doesn’t really care what our answer is, he just wants to put Worry, Fear, and Anger into our lives.

So, I thought I’d write a few posts about the questions and worries we all have. Here’s the first one:

“I’m afraid.”

I’m not really afraid. At least not right now. I’m more worried than afraid.

I’m only into my third year with Leuk – a fairly early stage for CLL. But my white blood cells are flirting, pulling each other’s house keys out of a jar, and reproducing like crazy with everyone in sight! I’m sure I’ll be facing Fear many times as things progress.

But, by learning to fight Fear now, I may be more practiced and able to keep her from overwhelming me when things get tougher.

Like I said in an earlier post, I’m more worried right now about getting out of debt. But I know, when that’s taken care of, Leuk will send his friend Fear to me again.

For now, I’ve managed to supress her with distractions. Each day is full of surprises – some good, some not so good. But when those surprises have nothing to do with Leukemia, then Leuk has no hold on my thoughts.

Fear is natural. It’s built into us. When it first comes you have little control over it. Don’t deny it. Accept it, feel it through, then put it away.

Fear soon changes from a reaction to a choice. Watch for it; it’s her weakest moment. She and Leuk work hard at destroying our friend Hope.

Hope will always be on our side. If we hold on to her tight, she will never fail us.

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6 thoughts on “Worries Part I… Fear

  1. Fear is almost logical. A wise counselor told me to ask myself when I was having panic attacks back in the 1990’s when I was so clinically depressed:

    “Am I safe right NOW?” (yes)
    “Who is in charge?” (God–not me)

    • Hi Jan. Well, somehow fear has not been an issue yet with me. But when that time comes, I will remember your counselor’s advise.

  2. My MDS is not so much about white blood cells. My bone marrow is misbehaving. It makes blood cells, but some of them do not come to maturity. Normal blood count is 12. Six months ago mine was 9 and a year before that it was only 3 (danger zone). My oncologist wanted to begin procedure for chemo and stem cell transplant. I knew too much about macrobiotics by then and refused and it’s working out great.

    • What else can you share about macrobiotics? I’d love to know more about it and have you share it with my readers.

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