I’ve kind of been in neutral lately; doing more thinking than writing. I know I am so blessed to be at the early stages of Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. I still don’t have to do chemo, my white blood cell numbers, though much higher than they would be for a healthy person, are keeping at a relatively steady level and not climbing. So in that sense I am doing well. (See “Score Card” link.)
Yet, I feel more tired than usual. You might say my get-up-and-go got-up-and-went. But today I’m back at the keyboard.
Leuk is a strange bed fellow. I don’t always feel his presence but he is always there just waiting for me to acknowledge him. He’s been in my thoughts more than usual lately. It’s strange contemplating your own demise. Of course, being that I’m 65 years old I suppose I would be doing that even if I didn’t have leukemia. I’m not really afraid, just a bit frustrated that I have CLL.
There’s a window to my right filled with sunshine and the greens of summer. It is a reminder that Leuk hasn’t beaten me and my life is meant to be enjoyed. I have a wonderful wife and family. There is so much to be grateful for.
It is good to focus on what we’ve been given instead of what’s been taken away. I’ve gained so much more than I’ve lost. This life of mine has been very good and there are still more blessings to come.
I hope all of you, especially those who are struggling in your battle against leukemia, can see the summer sunshine outside your window and know that you are alive and every moment you have with your family and friends is a special gift.
Please hang on to that. Leuk only wins if we give up. Even if the day comes that we face our own death, Leuk isn’t the winner if we’ve lived our lives to the fullest. We don’t have to finish that “Bucket List” to have had a successful full life. We only need to have received and given love.
I don’t really think it’s what you’ve done that matters so much. I think it’s more important who you are. Don’t ever let Leuk take that away from you.
Godspeed to all of you.