On “closure”

I said something in yesterday’s post that’s been bothering me. I brought up the subject of telling a family member or friend something that needs saying.

It may be the case that you can’t speak to them. Maybe that person passed away before you could tell him what needed saying. Maybe he’s still around but refuses to speak to you. If it turns out that, for whatever reason, you don’t have the chance to reconnect don’t let regret take you over. It is possible to love someone even if they can’t return it.

The term “closure” is bantered around a lot these days. I’m not sure who dreamed it up or even what it means exactly. I suppose it means finishing unfinished business or making things right. But the implication is it will be a disaster if you don’t “get closure.”

Well that’s a lousy philosophy. It is, of course, the best thing when you can resolve an issue or heal old wounds as they say. But don’t pin your hopes on doing so. If closure doesn’t happen you need to make a choice. Is that going to take you down or can you find that closure within your heart and let go of the pain?

I know a little about this subject. My father divorced us when I was a little boy. I never saw him again. He died when I was 17. I learned that as his death drew near he had asked to see me but due to a bad decision by others I wasn’t told until he was gone. How’s that one for no “closure”?

Now, I was very lucky to be raised by an adoptive dad who was loyal to the bone. So that helped a lot. But I never got to hear the sound of my bio father’s voice. I never got to tell him I forgave him. Yes, that hurt. It still does a bit. Watching movies that end with a father/son reconciliation still make my eyes water. But I worked through it. That lack of “closure” wasn’t a disaster. I didn’t crumble into a pile of crushed hopes and everlasting despair. The simple truth is I moved on.

Life can be shitty at times. Not every day is full of roses and rainbows. In fact, I believe it is the hard days that build our character.

So if someone tells you they are sorry you didn’t get closure on some issue, thank them for their concern but don’t take it to heart. Not all circles get closed. Not every hole is filled. Life isn’t about loss, it’s about how you handle it.

I say a lot in this blog about not giving in to Leuk. The truth is we shouldn’t give in to despair from any source. There’s no time for it. It ain’t worth it.

Guard your heart. Do all you can to love others but when life turns bad keep your heart above shit level.

Hey. That might make a great country song title.

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