Cancer Center buildingToday I get to go see my cancer doc for my bi-annual check up. Oh joy. You know, just a few years back I would have never imagined myself going to a building called the Cancer Center. Jeez.

Anyway, in addition to my usual check up I’ll be discussing a new thing with my doctor. I have developed a limp from pain in my right leg. It has occurred off and on for a couple years but now it’s daily.

My GP (family doctor) says it could be caused by one of two things: either swollen lymph nodes in my groin (caused by my CLL) are pinching a nerve, or I have some bone degeneration. That’s a hell of a choice.

So, I had an x-ray yesterday and I should get the results soon. My GP and cancer doctors will be comparing notes.

Either way, bone degeneration or swollen lymph nodes, getting older and having leukemia at the same time is a pain in the butt… or, make that leg.

I dropped all my photography work. I quit doing real estate photography awhile back. But I had planned on keeping my interior design clients because they pay more.

One called just a few days ago. She had a job for me in Anacortes, Washington shooting a new house she’d worked on. I was going to do it but decided to call her back today and cancel. I’m finding Leuk is making me feel more tired.

I’ve done commercial work for a long time, mostly of products, harvesters, houses, and other things that don’t move much. If you’d like to see my site it is at www.jimwsmith.com.

I’m down to one client now – an architect who is also my son-in-law. His projects are usually closer to home. I hope I can keep working for him. We’ll see.

I’m really not too bummed out about this. After nearly 20 years it’s time for a change anyway.

Actually, Leuk is still being fairly good to me; though my oncologist is talking more about treatments. Probably won’t be for a while yet, but he is starting to bring the subject up more.

I hope you all won’t see this as one of those downer posts. It’s not. I’m just learning to let go of some things so I can enjoy others.

I have a loving wife, a roof over my head, no debt (except a small mortgage), creative projects, a great family, and wonderful grandchildren.

Just now, as I was writing this post my wife came in my office to say good night. I asked if she is alright with all this – the changes in me that are effecting our income. “I’m fine with it,” she said. “You’ve just got to stop worrying. We have enough coming in now and I feel secure no matter what happens.”

I hugged her telling her that, considering how this thing is effecting our income, not too many wives would be like this.

“I don’t care about other wives,” she said. “I’m fine with it.”  She has no idea how much that helped me.

In the past there were times when I took her for granted. Not now. I’m finally seeing, really seeing, who she is and how much she means to me. Sometimes love is not a strong enough word. The Bible speaks of a still small voice – the voice of God. More and more that voice speaks to me of her.

So, as you can see, despite the changes that are happening, everything is alright.

All is well.

Today is my birthday. Since 1951 I’ve  been taking birthdays for granted. Just another year, no big deal.

Then all of a sudden I’m 62. How the heck did that happen? Wasn’t it just a few years ago I was raising my children? Now. all of a sudden they are adults in their 30’s.

And what happened to college? Were did the 1970’s go? My wife now works at the same college I graduated from so I often find myself walking the red bricked paths that wind between the buildings I studied in. Those buildings are the old ones now – old relics among newer structures.

And all the trees are taller.

But it gets worse… obviously the student population wasn’t born yet when I attended college, but yikes!… even some of their parents were’t born then either!!!

My baby-boomer experiences are studied as history lessons. Presidents Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, and Reagan; Vietnam and Kent State – it’s all just old news hidden in some history book. What about music? Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Simon & Garfunkel, The Doors, Cat Stevens and the Beach Boys are found on very few iPods.

Oh well, I guess its the way of things. Though my life continues to become a history lesson, I’m still around and making history. (Key words being ‘still around’.)

Ah, if only I was dyslexic. Then I’d be 26 instead of 62.