I have a person in my life, someone important to me, who is angry with me. I found this out in a terse text message from him saying “never contact me again”.

His anger was born from a misunderstanding of the facts. I want so much to clear the air between us.  I would like him to know the truth about what happened and how I tried to make things work properly but was thwarted in my attempts by someone else.

I’ve tried to make contact but his text message put an end to that.

I believe I have many years yet before Leuk takes me and I hope that time will give opportunity for reconciliation.

Having a life threatening disease makes you focus on what really matters. For now, for me, I need peace and less stress. I wish I could take away his anger but I can’t control him or anyone else for that matter.

So I love him from a distance and focus on my immediate family: my wife, children and their spouses, and my grandchildren. There is so much love to nest in here. I thrive with them.

It would be sad if I die without seeing him. If that happens, though, I want him to know I understand his feelings and I really did mean him no harm. I forgive him and I hope he will forgive me.

If you have leukemia try your best to make repairs to damaged relationships. But if you can’t, don’t let the stress eat at you. Love them and move on. But never forget the good times and what that person means to you. Because getting right down to it, love is what matters.

When I kick the bucket I want to go out the right way, the only way: with love.

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A friend passed away today. She didn’t have leukemia but had a multitude of other heath problems. Though I wasn’t close to her it is still hard to lose someone, especially when she is younger than you. Feels a bit ominous.

But I’m still kicking. It is a sunny autumn day outside my window. Soon I’ll be stepping out into the fresh air and going to help my son-in-law put a floor in his new house.

Whatever time I have it is so good to be alive. I’m not bed ridden yet and hope to never be but either way I’ll always appreciate my family and the life I’ve been given.

I’ve done some stupid things in the past. There are regrets. Sometimes they haunt me. But overall I am happy and loved.

That’s what matters.

It’s not who we were but what we’ve become that matters. I’m trying to keep my focus on the now and on moving forward. And, as far as Leuk goes, he’s not getting me down.

My friend’s death has reminded me to grab life while I have it. Life, not Leuk, is my focus.

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Vision Christian Band

I don’t do a lot of advertising on this blog site but I’ve decided to promote two CDs. I used to play in a Christian band called Vision. We played nearly all of the prisons around Washington State as well as churches and a homeless shelter. We had a blast and it was one of the best experiences of my life.

The songs are direct, lively, and honest. They are not worship songs or boring hymns. They are very upbeat and about real life — often inspired by our own experiences.

During that time we cut two CDs and still have some available. If you’d like to buy a CD or even just a single song you can click on the links at the bottom of the side bar to the right. Or, click these links: Secret Agent, or Trust in the Lord to see prices, sample songs, and buy the albums or just single tracts.

Part of the sales will go to supporting this blog site. You can sample some of the songs before buying. Be sure to check out the reviews too.

And, btw, thanks to all my long-time readers. It’s been a real blessing to share thoughts with fellow Leuk Fighters.

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Wow. Have you ever “OD’d” on drugs? I have a medication I take for a condition unrelated to my leukemia. I normally take one pill in the morning and one in the evening. I’m usually very careful about that but last weekend I was visiting my son and took a pill in the morning forgetting that I had taken one earlier.

The dizzies set in and I was nauseous. Had I been able to go to bed I probably could have ridden the thing out fine, but we were scheduled to drive home that day. So, I had to let my wife drive while I sat in the back, bowl in hand, and tried not to “toss my cookies” as my Mom used to say.

I tried to keep my eyes shut so the effects of the car’s motion would be lessened. However, since I usually drive that route home, my wife kept asking me to look out and see if she was in the correct lane and where to turn next.

Long story short, the cookies got tossed.

It was a miserable 100 mile drive but I somehow survived.

So, I’m thinking it is probably time to start using a pill box.

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I tried being normalWhat do we mean when we think of some people as being ‘normal’? Those of us who have a disease, such as this “glorious” leukemia, think of healthy people as ‘normal’. We say things like, “God it would be nice to be normal again.” Or, “I used to have a normal life.”

When I had major financial difficulties I remember wishing I had a normal life like before.

But when my financial situation changed for the better – not much cash but very little debt, I didn’t suddenly become ‘normal’. In fact, looking back I realized I never have been normal.

Now with Leuk in my life you could say I’m not as normal as other people. Yeah. True. But so what?

I don’t think there really is a ‘normal’, or if there is I sure as heck don’t want to be it.

I have talents that not everyone has – writing, photography, drumming (although I am lousy at it, I played in a band for eight years), scuba diving, sailing, and wasting a great deal of time watching movies. Well, okay, a really LOT of us do that last one.

I don’t have talents in other areas. I’m a terrible singer. No, I mean really terrible (but I still belt songs out in the shower). If I built a house it would fall over in a light wind. I don’t climb mountains (gravity is a bitch). When I paint, if ever, I have to call it Abstract Art. I mean, REALLY abstract; like geez-that-was-a-waste-of-paint type abstract. And I hate broccoli, asparagus, brussels sprouts, Indian food, and rap music.

Speaking of talents, I apparently have a good one for getting leukemia. I’m a real expert at that.

These talents, and lack there of, are normal for me but not for the next guy. In order for there to be ‘normal’ people there has to be a lot of folks with the exact talents doing exactly the same thing. I don’t know about snow flakes, but I’m sure that none of the seven billion people on this planet are perfectly alike. And that goes for twins too.

There is not a Normal Club out there. Perhaps there should be an NA (Normalaholics Anonymous) though for people who actually think they are normal.

So I suggest we all give up on this phony ‘Normal’ psychosis and aim for being great instead.

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