Today’s a rough one. I was fine when I got up. I’m working in the office just designing labels, burning CD’s of photos for a client, invoicing, and making a few phone calls.

But I’m stressing out over issues that are blocking the sale of our house. They are all solvable, but I’m feeling overwhelmed. I don’t think this is Leuk’s fault, at least not directly. But dealing with Leukemia on top of the daily stress of life seems overwhelming today.

It’s frustrating. I don’t seem to have the stamina I used to have. I haven’t eaten all morning. Maybe food will help. Oh yeah, that’s right, food probably would be a good idea!

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I woke up the other day, keenly aware of the limited time I have of ‘normal’ life. I’m going to live a good many years, but I don’t know how healthy I’ll feel when, in a few years, I might be having chemo treatments.

So, I need to accomplish my goals. They aren’t lofty goals, but they are very important to me. I want to play with my grandchildren so they remember me as I am now – healthy and fun. Scuba dive with my son. Spend time with my daughter. Stop to listen, hold, and love my wife.

I’m realizing that, although I have a life-threatening disease, so do we all; it’s call mortality.

I think it is better to drink life in with big gulps, than to take tiny sips out of fear of losing it.

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Today I spent most of my time on the computer processing photos. Oh, I guess I haven’t told you, I have a part-time (well, very part time in this economy) business doing photography, writing, and graphic design. I just finished shooting a job for an interior designer and, as usual, I’m running against a tight deadline.

I also have a night job as a janitor.

A work-aholic you say? Well perhaps, but moolah is hard to come by these days so you do what it takes.

Anyway, though Leuk is always with me, even when I’m writing blog posts, I mostly forget about him when I’m busy. At least that’s true during my day job. But pushing broom at night is not exactly nuclear physics so my mind wanders. This gives Leuk a hole to jump into and he sometimes messes with me. I’m getting better at pushing him back out of my thoughts though.

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Well, I’ve decided to come out of the closet…

Not THAT closet!

I mean the one where I’m trying to hide my leukemia.

I’ve been worried that once people knew what I had they would start treating me differently – not knowing how to act around me or even avoiding me.

But the day Leuk came to visit, he wasn’t just effecting me. Each member of my family has to deal with him too. And my trying to keep a lid on him makes it difficult for them to talk to friends who might offer comfort.

So full-speed-ahead-and-damn-the-torpedoes.

I hope this blog helps others fighting with Leuk and encourages them to take the bastard head on; he doesn’t always win you know.

Books on blogging sometimes say there are two general types of blogs: topical and personal. I guess that makes this one a hybrid; it is a personal journal with a specific topic.

Leuk and I will have an interesting journey together and I promise to be honest about every step, without bumming you out too much.

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