Leuk has a way of forcing negative questions out of us. He doesn’t really care what our answer is, he just wants to put Worry, Fear, and Anger into our lives.

So, I thought I’d write a few posts about the questions and worries we all have. Here’s the first one:

“I’m afraid.”

I’m not really afraid. At least not right now. I’m more worried than afraid.

I’m only into my third year with Leuk – a fairly early stage for CLL. But my white blood cells are flirting, pulling each other’s house keys out of a jar, and reproducing like crazy with everyone in sight! I’m sure I’ll be facing Fear many times as things progress.

But, by learning to fight Fear now, I may be more practiced and able to keep her from overwhelming me when things get tougher.

Like I said in an earlier post, I’m more worried right now about getting out of debt. But I know, when that’s taken care of, Leuk will send his friend Fear to me again.

For now, I’ve managed to supress her with distractions. Each day is full of surprises – some good, some not so good. But when those surprises have nothing to do with Leukemia, then Leuk has no hold on my thoughts.

Fear is natural. It’s built into us. When it first comes you have little control over it. Don’t deny it. Accept it, feel it through, then put it away.

Fear soon changes from a reaction to a choice. Watch for it; it’s her weakest moment. She and Leuk work hard at destroying our friend Hope.

Hope will always be on our side. If we hold on to her tight, she will never fail us.

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Another great day.

First thing in the morning I went for a walk. This is the second day of my exercise schedule (see the “Exercise” Page). The air was fresh and the blue sky was filled with fat, white clouds.

I did some work on the property. I watched the Canada Geese fighting for their mates. Those ganders are very aggressive: churning up the water, nipping at each other, and crashing their bodies together as the stronger ones chase the weaker across the pond. When it comes to showing off for the babes, the ganders put on a violent, noisy, and wonderful show.

Spring is nearly upon us.

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I wrote this little story the week of my daughter’s wedding:

Once upon a time, a young gardener was given seed from his Master.  He didn’t know what kind of seed it was, but he planted, watered, and cared for it, and daisies began to grow.  The young gardener had much to learn about taking care of daisies and, at times, made mistakes.  But he worked hard to protect and nourish his Master’s garden, and in time the daisies flourished.  There were other gardeners with other gardens, but the daisy garden was the brightest in all the land.

One day, when the full moon was made translucent by the afternoon sun, the Master came admiring His bright garden. The gardener was older now, hands worn and back bent from his work.  His heart, however, was filled with joy because he loved the task his Master had given him.

“I now have other gardens for you to tend,” the Master said.  “It is time to give this to another.”

“But my daisies,” said the gardener, “will he know how to care for them?  What will become of my garden?”

The Master smiled.  “All these years, it was your job to protect and tend my garden.  You made some mistakes at first, but soon you learned how to care for the daisies.  You worked hard for the garden you loved, but it was I who made the flowers grow.  You had to trust me for the rain and sun.  Won’t you trust me now?  I have provided a new gardener and he will find ways to make your garden flourish even brighter.  Trust me in this, like you have trusted me before.”

The gardener knew his Master was right and stepped outside the gate, looking back at his daisies.  In his hand he held a new bag of his Master’s seed.  “Could I plant nearby, in case I’m needed?” he asked.

“You will never be too far from the work I have given you,” the Master said.

So the gardener started his new plot close by and smiled when he saw the young gardener working with the daisy field.  For many years he watched it flourish under the young man’s care.  And the old gardener was pleased with his Master’s wisdom.

copyright Jim W. Smith 2012

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This was a great week!

I did shoots (that’s photography, not guns!) for an interior designer, a design/contractor, and a real estate agent. I also have three potential jobs in the works.

My business is picking up just in time to pay some extras bills. In one door and out the other… Oh well, at least I’ll have some money to send out that door!

I’m feeling good (other than tired for working late) and am very positive about life.

A great week indeed.

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