Feeling good today, even though the dizziness hasn’t gone away for long. It skipped a day and now it’s back. But I’m managing to get around – Dramamine is a great thing to have in your pocket!!

Life is good. Finances are tight but looking better.

One thing I do need to do is get more sleep. When I don’t get enough, it’s hard to tell if my problems are Leuk related or just plain old stupidity on my part. I’m thinking the latter. I’ve been stupid about getting sleep most of my life.

I have a blood test coming up in June and I’ll see my oncologist in Feb next year. I’m guessing he’ll chew me out for not going to bed earlier!

Anyway, other than dizziness, and a whole lot of yawning, I’m doing fine.

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Well, here I am on-line in my car in a grocery store parking lot, dizzy. Really dizzy. Good thing I’m only 3 miles from home. I’ll be traveling on a country road with little or no traffic.

I think Leuk’s hitting me. Not sure. My dizziness seems to happen when I haven’t had enough sleep. Somewhere on this blog I’ve already mentioned that.

I got out of my car to walk into a bank and my legs staggered and crossed. I looked like a drunk man. Oddly enough I was able to drive. I don’t drive when this happens, but I was already away from home so I didn’t have a choice.

As you can see, I’m able to type and think straight so I don’t think it’s a stroke. I had to cancel a meeting, two photography shoots, my night job, and a bunch of errands. This hasn’t happen for awhile. It’s very frustrating. The real bummer is, I feel like I’m drunk yet I never had a drink – damn, where’s a rum when I need it. Oh yeah, I don’t drink. I think I’ll take it up!

Anyway, guys, I’m still trying to keep my spirits up. I might be physically sick, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let Leuk make me mentally sick. (Ah, maybe I should stop using that phrase, “I’ll be damned.” The gang upstairs might take me at my word! When the big ‘D’ happens, I’ll want to see Saint Peter and not that other guy!)

If you are dealing with a problem, disease or otherwise, hang on. Tomorrow will be better. Like Little Orphan Annie said, “It’s only a day away.”

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Well, I’m considering changing my diet. I say ‘considering’ because old habits die hard.

I just watched a video my son suggested called “Forks Over Knives.” It promotes a vegan/whole foods diet. Now I’m about to read a book my daughter gave me about another type of diet. Both plans look like good, healthy regimens. Eating better might help me with Leuk. It’s a good idea to eat right. I really think I might, maybe, kinda-sorta will try. Yes, definitely, I’ll give it a shot…

As I write this, I’m eating a Banquet, mircrowave, don’t-ask-what’s-in-it Meat Pie.

NOTE: Although it’s true I was eating the meat pie, all kidding aside, I’m going to migrate to a better diet. My body’s having enough issues without me cramming junk down it’s throat.

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Today was basically a good day. I had some stressful negotiating to do, but I managed to get through it and still keep most of my hair.

I’m noticing that when I haven’t had much sleep it takes me longer to recover than it used to. I don’t know if that’s Leuk or just my age. I am 60, but every one keeps telling me that 60 is the new 40. I’m not so sure about that. I think I’d give it a rating of 60 is the new 59-1/2 at best.

It is said that CLL (my type of leukemia) is usually slower moving and some people experience no symptoms for several years. Fatique can be one of them, but in looking up the definition of fatigue, I don’t think I’m there yet. Sometimes, though, I do feel exhaused.

My spirits are up though. They may be tired spirits, but positive ones.

I hope I will soon have some readers who are struggling with leukemia so we can share our experiences with Leuk. This is still a new site so I’m trying to promote it more. I’ve registered with some of the search engines. And I’ve printed some cards inviting people to the site. I hope to have my doctors give them to patients who’ve just been told they have the disease.

I’m not on an ego trip. I just want them – especially the newbies – to feel they’re not alone. Maybe it will help them if they can see someone else finding ways to live as normal a life as possible dispite being paired up with a guy named Leuk.

I also want to say I really appreciate the support I’m getting from friends and relatives, both on this blog and off it. Some of whom are having their own difficulties.

I have two cousins in particular who are struggling with their own health issues. Their tenacity and positive outlook are an inspiration to me.

Thank you J and N. Love you.

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I found love today. It was only 2-1/2 feet tall.

I’d stopped by my son-in-law’s office to pick something up. His office is just across the lawn from his house and my two grandchildren were playing outside in the sunshine.

It was supposed to be just a quick stop¬† and then on to my other plans for this busy day. But while walking back to my car I heard a desperate cry, “Afi!”

It was my 5 year old grandson. He had apparently been running towards me when he’d suddenly stopped, realizing I was leaving. “Afi,” he said between sobs, “I don’t want you to go to the meeting. I thought you were going to work with me.” He meant play, but in the wonderful world of a 5 year old the two words can sometimes mean the same thing.

There he was, this little man, standing alone in the grass, his shoulders hunched forward, head hanging down, wailing as if his small world had come to an end.

Well, of course I didn’t leave. I would have canceled a meeting with the President for the sake of those tears.

We sat on the edge of the porch. I hugged him as he panted in short, laborious gasps. Big salty tears flooding his little face.

“Oh, Joshie,” I said, “you’re so upset. You must love me.”

“I really do… a whole lot,” he sobbed.

There it was, Love, defined in six simple words spoken through the choked sobs of a little boy.

He’s too little to know it, but he’d given me a moment. One that will stay with me all my life.

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