Am I the only one that isn’t freaking out about Trump? I didn’t vote for the guy but geez, give him a chance. I’ll be the first to protest if he screws up but all this posturing won’t mean anything.

Maybe it’s my leukemia that gives me this perspective but I really don’t think all this panic is worth it. And the protests planned for Trumps inauguration… what’s that all about. He’s the President for god sake. Show some respect. I don’t recall anyone protesting or rioting any of the times that Democrats took the office.

Chill out people. Take it from me and Leuk, life is way too precious to be letting worry and fear take hold of you. Sure I’m worried about what a Trump presidency will be like but I’m not letting it ruin my days on this planet.

For crying out load, give the guy a chance before you start crying out loud.

Print Friendly

My Mom and Dad

I visited my parent’s grave this weekend. I hadn’t been there since we buried them six years ago. It’s so odd. The people who raised me, who were the center of my life – just gone.

This whole mortality thing is weird. I mean, how can a person be alive one moment and gone the next? Why do even the healthy grow old and fade away? What’s the point?

I guess the point is, what matters is, that we make a difference while we’re here; leave a legacy for others to remember and to be blessed by. I don’t know if there is anything for us after we die but perhaps that is enough. Even if there is nothing more, our life, our legacy means a lot.

I know my parents had a lasting effect on my life. I will never forget them. Neither will my children. And their children will be told of them. I’ve written some posts about my dad (here and here) and one about my mom (here). They were good people.

I loved them.

Print Friendly

I started exercising yesterday. I actually went to the gym. Imagine that! It has been a long time and my sore muscles prove it.

But I have to get back into some semblance of physical shape because I’m doing the Big Climb in March. That means I have to get my legs strong enough to climb the 1,311 steps to the top of the Columbia Tower in Seattle. This will be my third year doing it.

The Big Climb raises millions of dollars for leukemia research. I’ll post more info next week on how you can donate to the cause if interested.

In the mean time this old body is going to be running treadmills, climbing those step machine things, and maybe pumping some iron.

Wish me luck!

Print Friendly

My daughter, her husband, and their two children moved in with us while their new house was being built. This physical closeness (there were six of us in a very small house!) gave us all a chance to develop a spiritual closeness as well.

My daughter has a wonderful heart and cares deeply about almost everything. I, of course, already knew this – I raised her after all – but living in such close quarters I was reminded of it.

One evening in particular we were watching a movie in which the main character got cancer. When I see such a movie of course it makes me think of my situation with leukemia. But I’m still at a stage where I feel pretty good most of the time and I don’t have to always focus on my health. So I forget that others are affected by my illness, in someways even more deeply than myself.

Anyway, after the movie was done I went into the kitchen to get something and she followed me in. Her eyes were wet with tears as she hugged me saying she didn’t want to lose me. We stood there hugging for a short while and I tried to reassure her that I had many years left and everything would be okay.

But this loving moment she gave me served to remind me how deeply this leukemia thing is affecting my family. When I’m having good days I wish there was a way to really make them understand that I’m doing well. I mean, I do have days when I get tired easily or have other annoying issues, but the leukemia is a part of me now and, fortunately for the time being, Leuk is taking it relatively easy on me.

So I forget the reality of it all. It might sound strange to those who don’t have leukemia, but there are times when I feel quite normal and forget I have it. But my words are never adequate to express how I’m thinking inside. And naturally no one has the ability to really feel what I’m feeling.

I guess what I’m getting at is this wonderful woman, my daughter, was expressing with tears and worry and sadness, her love for me. I will be forever grateful for that love, and the love I receive from all my family. But my hope is that my daughter, my son, my wife, and the rest of the family can somehow really understand where I’m at.

I love them all so much and I must remember that Leuk has invaded their lives too. My loving daughter’s tears made that very clear.

So thank you my family. I love you all so much. And try not to worry too much. My CLL might just continue moving slowly and I’ll make it to a ripe old age. Or Leuk could pick up speed and I will have fewer years than expected. Either way it will be alright because the one thing he can’t take away is the love we all share.

Print Friendly

I said something in yesterday’s post that’s been bothering me. I brought up the subject of telling a family member or friend something that needs saying.

It may be the case that you can’t speak to them. Maybe that person passed away before you could tell him what needed saying. Maybe he’s still around but refuses to speak to you. If it turns out that, for whatever reason, you don’t have the chance to reconnect don’t let regret take you over. It is possible to love someone even if they can’t return it.

The term “closure” is bantered around a lot these days. I’m not sure who dreamed it up or even what it means exactly. I suppose it means finishing unfinished business or making things right. But the implication is it will be a disaster if you don’t “get closure.”

Well that’s a lousy philosophy. It is, of course, the best thing when you can resolve an issue or heal old wounds as they say. But don’t pin your hopes on doing so. If closure doesn’t happen you need to make a choice. Is that going to take you down or can you find that closure within your heart and let go of the pain?

I know a little about this subject. My father divorced us when I was a little boy. I never saw him again. He died when I was 17. I learned that as his death drew near he had asked to see me but due to a bad decision by others I wasn’t told until he was gone. How’s that one for no “closure”?

Now, I was very lucky to be raised by an adoptive dad who was loyal to the bone. So that helped a lot. But I never got to hear the sound of my bio father’s voice. I never got to tell him I forgave him. Yes, that hurt. It still does a bit. Watching movies that end with a father/son reconciliation still make my eyes water. But I worked through it. That lack of “closure” wasn’t a disaster. I didn’t crumble into a pile of crushed hopes and everlasting despair. The simple truth is I moved on.

Life can be shitty at times. Not every day is full of roses and rainbows. In fact, I believe it is the hard days that build our character.

So if someone tells you they are sorry you didn’t get closure on some issue, thank them for their concern but don’t take it to heart. Not all circles get closed. Not every hole is filled. Life isn’t about loss, it’s about how you handle it.

I say a lot in this blog about not giving in to Leuk. The truth is we shouldn’t give in to despair from any source. There’s no time for it. It ain’t worth it.

Guard your heart. Do all you can to love others but when life turns bad keep your heart above shit level.

Hey. That might make a great country song title.

Print Friendly