Yesterday I nearly got plowed into by a car. I was pulling a utility trailer with a heavy load and turned left. The car came out of nowhere. He hit his brakes and I hit mine. We stopped with only a few feet between us. No fender bender, just frayed nerves.

Even though no one was hurt, it reminded me how unpredictable our fates are. When you have leukemia it is easy to assume Leuk will cause your demise. And seeing as he’s a terminal kind of guy it is reasonable to think so.

But nothing is certain. I could be walking along, complaining to myself about how tired my leukemia is making me, wondering how bad it’s going to get and when I’ll kick the bucket then suddenly get flattened by a falling piano. Which reminds me of a pun:

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

But I digress.

Point being, despite our leukemia, there are healthy people who will die before us. Death is not an exclusive club. Everyone is headed there. So we shouldn’t waste the time we have worrying about when or how we’ll checkout. Let’s live anticipating life, not fearing death.

Like Red Skelton said, “Don’t take life too seriously. No one gets out of it alive.”

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I have a person in my life, someone important to me, who is angry with me. I found this out in a terse text message from him saying “never contact me again”.

His anger was born from a misunderstanding of the facts. I want so much to clear the air between us.  I would like him to know the truth about what happened and how I tried to make things work properly but was thwarted in my attempts by someone else.

I’ve tried to make contact but his text message put an end to that.

I believe I have many years yet before Leuk takes me and I hope that time will give opportunity for reconciliation.

Having a life threatening disease makes you focus on what really matters. For now, for me, I need peace and less stress. I wish I could take away his anger but I can’t control him or anyone else for that matter.

So I love him from a distance and focus on my immediate family: my wife, children and their spouses, and my grandchildren. There is so much love to nest in here. I thrive with them.

It would be sad if I die without seeing him. If that happens, though, I want him to know I understand his feelings and I really did mean him no harm. I forgive him and I hope he will forgive me.

If you have leukemia try your best to make repairs to damaged relationships. But if you can’t, don’t let the stress eat at you. Love them and move on. But never forget the good times and what that person means to you. Because getting right down to it, love is what matters.

When I kick the bucket I want to go out the right way, the only way: with love.

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TonyFilmFeeling a lot better today. Getting things done. Almost on top of my game.

I say ‘almost’ because my sore back has returned making it hard to sleep. But, hey, big deal. I mean, when you’ve got CLL a bad back is a cake walk.

I hope all you Leuk Fighters out there are doing well. If you’d like a distraction, I recommend a documentary I just saw on Netflix called Tony Robbins I am not your GURU.

Whatever you may think of Tony Robbins this film is worth seeing. It is a “behind the scenes” documentary of one of Tony’s five day events. It also gives you an intimate look at the man himself. I came away from it with a new appreciation for the guy.

BTW, I’m not getting any kickbacks, I just really liked the film.

Take care guys & gals.

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I did my second day of shoots. Three apartments this time. They were college student apartments and man, the first one was definitely a bachelor pad. Bags and bags of trash, clothes everywhere, and a nice, apologetic resident. I managed to photograph the kitchen and bathroom. The bedrooms we’re useless. One had a sleeping finals-week fogged-out-student in it and the other was trashed. The other apartments were empty and relatively clean.

The shoots went quicker than yesterday but I was still pretty tired afterwards. I still need to photograph the outside of the buildings from yesterday and today but I couldn’t hack it right now.

I guess I’m a bit bummed out. Tired of being tired. Sitting down and writing helps though. Especially the sitting part.

I hope my last two posts haven’t gotten any of you down. As you know, Leuk looks forward to these days when you let your spirits drag.

I don’t have too many of these moments and I hope my new readers will go back to my earlier posts and realize I am mostly upbeat. But today, not so much.

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I don’t talk much about politics on this blog. It is, after all, supposed to be a journal about my life with leukemia.

But I do talk about family. The reaction of the RNC delegates to Ted Cruz’s speech last night was deplorable. That idiotic crowd booing Ted’s speech wanted him to put politics above principle – even to the expense of his own family.

It’s not often you see a politician risk damaging his own career in defense of his family.

Well, that’s all I have to say about that here, but if you want to see how I really feel about all this you can read my rant at www.nonlinearbrain.com.

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